You’re on the phone with someone who doesn’t know
About your soul, and how it can’t be held by flesh and bone
And I guess that’s fine
I would never want you to stop your life
But when I saw you both, with your shoulders touching
Sitting so close
I knew I’d hold on to this feeling
I’d hold on to anything at all
Was it my fault?
Because I easily confused you
For someone who would hold my hand
When things got hard, when things got dark
Because oh my God, when they get dark
They get so dark
You were always a shitty friend
And you would leave when I got sick
You never called me on my birthday
I want to call you on your birthday
So I’ll hold on to this feeling
I’ll hold on to this hate
For as long as I need for it to help me
You don’t talk to me bc she put shit in your fragile little head even tho I was there for you when you were at your lowest, I fixed you when you were not eating, when you’d get stomach aches so bad because you were so broken, you became so angry for no reason, you turned me into you. Now you’re happy with her, your new girl, she reminds me of myself. A pleasant little dreamer, a good girl, but a condescending girl. You’ll control her too, cut her friends out of her life, and maybe she will break your heart, but just know. When you come begging for me like I begged for you, you’ll know the pain I felt. How dying would seem like the better option, the pain in your chest unbearable. I hope you understand the desperation, and the loss. I hate you for doing this to me, but I’ll be okay. You taught me a painful lesson I needed to learn, and I hope you get your lesson soon. Here’s to 9 months wasted out of my life, and better months to come
i think of my dad who denies that my anxiety exists even though I don’t talk at school and come home crying sometimes. “was it my faultbecause, I easily confused you for someone who would hold my hand”
"you were always a shitty friend, you would leave when i got sick."my heart aches at the fact that my mind finds immediate relation to these words.
This reminds me of my abusive best friend in high school. It hurt so much when they cut me off, what they said to me, seeing them around at school. Months later when they wanted to guilt me into being friends with them again because I didnt beg for them to talk to me that time, it hurt all over again saying no.Years later it makes me sick to remember what they said, did, how they treated me and I am so glad I didnt let them back in. I never learned to hate them, though. Maybe I was too used to being treated that way by my mum all my life. I still miss them and knowing that makes me feel even more sick than the memories.
